Letters, lots and lots of letters!

So, how do you really know it's the holiday season? It's not the tons of money flying out of your wallet or the Hard Rock Station that's now featuring Barry Manilow and Perry Cuomo. You really know it's the holiday season because your mailbox (the real one not that e-thing everyone is talking about these days) is stuffed with Christmas cards and Christmas letters (I will use Christmas because I simply don't know very many people who are celebrating the Festival of Lights and the ones I do know don't send me a letter.)

We've averaged about 4 cards per day in the past week, and almost all of them have a nicely written one page letter inside of them that updates us on what has happened in the last year. It got me thinking--maybe I should write a Christmas letter. Ok, so what would I put in our letter? In February we got a cat! Oh, and a niece (but maybe I should let the brother tell that one since my letter will go mostly to the same people as his would). Ok, then in August we traveled to a mid-western state to celebrate Mrs. This Guy's grandmother's 90th birthday. Mrs. This Guy and I celebrated our first anniversary (with a take home meal from Outback Steak House because Mrs. This Guy had taken ill.) Um...then what happened? In December we got new siding on our house!

There it is. Man, it would be tough to fill out a full page with that year. That's kind of depressing. Our entire year would consist of not even an entire blog post. We had fun though. Oh, and the cat doesn't let us sleep through the night (even my niece does that).

'Tis the Season

Now that Thanksgiving is officially over (read This Guy's back at work), it's time to start getting ready for Christmas. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Speaking of Christmas, guess what Mrs. This Guy did the day after Thanksgiving. Yes, you are correct, she braved the crowds on bLACK fRIDAY and did damn near all some Christmas shopping. Now, it's not as crazy as it sounds-- this is a tradition that she enjoys with her sister. What is as crazy as it sounds is the fact that she started at...wait for it... 4 am. Yeah, you read that correctly. I know people who don't go to bed until that time.

To give her and her sister some credit, they were able to hit 4 stores in 4 hours and obtain a superfluous amount of Christmas gifts at pretty amazing prices. However, that's just rediculous! I'm sure This Guy won't be compaining when I open my (highly secrective) gifts on the 25th. What may be even more incredible is the fact that following a nap we went out again and did even more shopping (some at the same stores that she had previously visited). It was fun. The deals were good. My point is this-- 4 AM is the middle of the night (technically later than that, but you get the point). Why was a store open at 4 am? What could possibly be the reason to open doors that early? And why in God's good name was there a line of people waiting to get inside? Why not just open normally at 8 or even 9? How many questions can I ask continuously? Why can't you just buy your stuff the week before (it used to be the day before) Christmas like me?

I'd like to suggest changing the crazy sales from crazy hours to simply marginal sales for longer periods of time and normal store hours-- it'll make more people happy. Now, who stole my Barry Manilow Christmas CD??

So that's why...

I was blindsided in the conference room. I was clearly intimidating to them. I briefly saw a finger, of which I thought only the beginning of a wave. Then the next thing I knew our secretary, all of her 5 ft 4 in. frame weighing less than 115, knocked me on my ass. When I got up I was engaged by someone and then our IT guy took out my legs (clearly a crack back) but I saw no flags.

Okay, this didn't actually happen, but it could have. It would make Terry Tate look like a joke. I'm too lazy to make a link, so you'll have to look that one up on YOUTUBE if you can't remember, yet another humorous superbowl commercial. Yes, that should be capitalized in some way, but that's only if you truly care about the NFL. I simply don't. Sure, it's fun to talk about at work on Tuesday and Wednesday, and soon Friday (they play too many days of the week).

Anyway, I don't really have much to say. However, I'm going to waste your time anyway. Afterall, you've already read this much. You'll notice that we haven't had any news updates in awhile. That's because our good friend, Paul Harvey, has been off. I'm going to assume that he's not ill (although is pretty old) and just taking time off for the Holiday. It's not that I don't like Gil Gross (his fill-in), he's just not Paul Harvey. Not sure why we haven't had any other segments, we must need a new producer. Any takers? Ok, I'll let you go now. Have a happy Thanksgiving, and more importantly an enjoyable Black Friday. I'll be sleeping. Good day.

It's Not Nice to Point

So, I was watching a little bit of the "No Fun League" over the weekend. I know, but promise me, it was seriously just a little bit... only 5 minutes or so. Anyway, I noticed something during the Giants/Lions game. Eli Manning sure does point a lot when he is at the line of scrimmage. And then I remembered the Patriots/Colts game a few weeks ago. It wasn't only the quarterbacks that did all the pointing. I mean, at the line of scrimmage, everybody was pointing everywhere. There was more finger pointing in that game then on a typical day in session on Capital Hill.

So, all three of these teams that I mentioned are pretty successful this season. Which leads us at This and That in the Morning to one conclusion. The more finger pointing your team does, the more you will win. Maybe that's why the Eagles suck so much this year. They aren't using their digits to the best of their ability.

This also fits in with our earlier posts about doing what your favorite NFL players do. The next time you walk into a conference room, start pointing at the people across the table from you. Tell your colleauges which people you consider the most dangerous in the meeting. Also, finger pointing isn't as intimidating unless you yell at your colleauges as well. Here's an example, "This guy looks like a hell of a negotiator... make sure you chop block him before he gets to our main guy." (This done while pointing at him, of course).

Try it out at the next meeting and let us know how it goes.

And remember, it may not be nice to point, but if it means preventing being sacked during a meeting, then it's ok in my book.

Re: It's Not Even Thanksgiving Yet, You A*%hole

Wow, Nov. 13th and you've already listened to a Christmas CD. I'm going to assume it's the first Christmas as a father thing that you have going on. I will say you probably have too much time on your hands if you've watched White Christmas. However, I'm not one to suppress people's freedom's, so if you want to play Christmas music in April, I'm ok with that. You do have to admit, that's a pretty funny note to leave on someone's porch. It's probably going a little too far in destroying the decorations, but yet again, kinda funny if it didn't happen to you.

I'm also a big fan of Christmas, but it's not the same as you grow older. What I'm not a big fan of is change, that is when it comes to a change in tradition. Christmas has changed. Stores are starting Holiday Sales (notice the date of the article) earlier and earlier. Christmas Day, which used to be a day of presents, football, and food, is now a day of presents, football, food, and travel (usually shuttling between my family and my wife's). Maybe I just don't like traveling. The only plus to driving on Christmas Day is that there aren't many people on the highways.

For me, it just won't ever be Christmas before Thanksgiving. I won't watch those movies or listen to that music until after the best feast of the year. I still won't shop until it's mid-December. I may not be able to control the family traditions of Christmas, but I can still have my own. So until after that tryptophan kicks in, it's not Christmas. The tree won't go up before Dec. 5th, the lights won't be put up until probably the coldest day of the year. But that's just me, enjoy your holiday bliss, and goodluck finding space to store all that junk great stuff your kid's gonna get for the first Christmas.

It's Not Even Thanksgiving Yet, You A*%hole

So, a local tv station reported that was the note left on a guy's front porch after somebody completely destroyed their Christmas Decorations.

The station had a soundbyte from the cops about how horrible this crime was and even Santa chimed in on how naughty those people are being. (Full Disclosure: my wife is a reporter at previously mentioned station... not that it really matters, but I always wanted to do a full disclosure thing)

So, it got me thinking. I used to think that Christmas came way too early every year and it was just those "greedy" capitalist pigs taking over a very sacred holiday. (Think the Charlie Brown Christmas Special) But something this year has changed for me. I don't know if it's because I'm now a Dad or just because I just really love Christmas. But this year, I've already popped in the Christmas CD in the car, and hell I'm man enough to admit it. I watched "White Christmas" earlier today. I am in the Christmas spirit and I don't care who hears it.

My feeling is that the world can be a bad enough place and can it really hurt to spread a little more Christmas cheer a few weeks early? And before all you Holy Rollers get up in my rosy cheeks. I do realize that Jesus is the Reason for the Season. And, if I remember my Sunday School teacher well enough, Jesus was all about spreading love and kindness throughout the world. So, take that Jerry Falwell (oh wait, he's dead... crap).

Anyway, I want to know what our listeners... I mean readers think and especially This Guy.

Do we need a little Christmas on November 13th?

And if we do... I will guarantee you it wil be the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapped danced with Danny F%&ing Kay.

What does one hour get you?

Ok, so That Guy got me thinking, and I think I felt that he may have presented me with a challenge. The question is, can This Guy do all 10 of his suggestions? When I ask myself a question, I also usually answer it (not necessarily out loud, but sometimes). I've decided that not only can I attempt all 10 of these suggestions, but I can actually do them all while watching tv. Naturally we'll take a look at them one by one.

1. Who's to say this isn't already happening? The real question is, volume up or down?


2. Probably a good idea and as to not be a complete alcoholic-- maybe Mrs. This Guy will join me (which would obviously lead to more #1).


3. As long as it's not busy at the alley I assume the lane next to me will have a tv. (I'm only averaging 125, maybe I should practice more)


4. I suppose I could look it up on ebay.


5. After further thought, this probably isn't going to happen


6. Jimmie (yes, that's how he spells it) seemed pretty busy, but he's only a phonecall away.


7. The cat loves TV (she also enjoys going behind the TV, what's up with that?)


8. Constantly on my mind (NOTE TO THAT GUY: getting readers would help)


9. Okay with 100 hours of DVR time minus Planet Earth, various movies that include but are not limited to-- Wedding Crashers, The Holiday, and Click--, the week and a half of Mrs. This Guy's soaps, I'm dealing with about 47 hours of space left, so I could throw in a little of THIS and THAT


10. First, see #1, then realize that begging asking too often takes all the joy out of being rejected over and over again.

The ultimate challenge-- in one hour do all 10. Now, that would be one hell of an hour. I'd be impressed even if 2-9 were skipped.

Just One Hour

Wow, This Guy does watch quite a bit of TV. But don't we all these days. Oh and yes... TIVO (or whatever iteration you may own) is definitely a life changer and actually probably could save This Guy about and hour out of his 15.5 hours a week, if he worked it right and "timeshifted". Sounds more like Dr. Who than watching tv.

Anyway, I still think 15.5 hours a week may be a little much. Like he said, that doesn't even include sports which has to be at least 7 or 8 hours each weekend.

So, here's a few suggestions of what This Guy could be doing if he cut out just one hour of that 15.5 a week. I mean, "Bionic Woman". There has to be a few things better than that.

1. Sex (I know This Guy is married and this isn't probably much of an option, but hey it's still a suggestion. I won't even comment about how it probably wouldn't take an hour)
2. Drinking Beer (sure you could probably do this while watching tv. And with some of This Guy's show selections, I would recomend it. But beer drinking could be it's own activity)
3. Bowling (could be tied into #2)
4. Playing Parchesi (see previous posts)
5. Work around the house (This Guy is a homeowner for goodness sakes)
6. Talking to your friendly siding salesman (I won't even comment about how this will take MUCH longer than just an hour)
7. Playing with his cat (She's pretty cute after all)
8. Working to make "This and That in the Morning" the best radio show/blog ever
9. Figuring out how many shows you could tivo/DVR to add even more hours of tv viewing into your week.
10. Sex (It doesn't hurt to beg.... I mean ask a second time)

So, there you go, This Guy. I hope some of the suggestions help.

Remember they don't call it the BOOB TUBE for nothing.

News

Paul Harvey News
Courtesy of ABCNews

Too much TV?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My wife and I watch a lot of TV, and I mean A LOT. So, I'll break it down for you by day of the week. It's up to you to let me know if it's too much. I probably won't change my viewing habits, but I'll at least look at your thoughts. So taking the normal ratings week of Monday through Sunday here is what we watch and if we watch it live or use the greatest invention of the 2000s (some would say the 21st century, I prefer simpler, funnier terms). This list does not include the soap opera my wife DVRs every day.

Mondays:
8:00
8:30
9:00
9:30- DVR
9:30- DVR (technically this records at 1:30 the next morning, but this is the original timeslot for the show
10:30

Tuesdays
8:00
9:00

Wednesdays
8:00
8:00-DVR
9:00
9:00-DVR
10:00

Thursdays
9:00
10:00- DVR

Fridays
9:00
10:00

Saturdays
Nothing

Sundays
9:00

What did you think I was going to make it easy for you and tell you what I watched? You'll have to do the work to see the actual show. I've also highlighted what shows I watch only because my wife wants to, it's surprisingly little in the grand scheme of things.

So here is the breakdown by network:

ABC- 5
NBC- 5
CBS- 4
FOX- 1
CW- 1
HGTV- 2

18 shows or 15.5 hours of TV a week. Of course that doesn't include any sporting events. So you tell me, is that too much?

Goodbye Bob

As a tribute to the late Robert Goulet, enjoy one of the funniest commercials from last year's Super Bowl (wait, do I owe the NFL money now that I blogged the words Super Bowl--damn it I did it again.)

Standby for News!

Paul Harvey News
Courtesy of ABCNews

TMI? Yeah, TMI.

Wow, I'm not sure what to say. I've known about That Guy's hatred of the 8:30 first pitch. I completely agree. It's a shame that the owners and players and MLB executives have all become whores. They take the money and don't really care what they have to do to get it. It's primetime and if they can make money on the tv deal, they will (at the expense of losing the youngest generation of fans).

The reason I'm at a loss for words is the last statement. I really didn't need to know that. Life is hard...that's all you had to say man, really it was.

As a disclaimer, I also feel it necessary to state the fact that I am happy with life. I just choose to let my displeasure and fault-finding tendencies show themselves more than my joyful side. It's not nice to accuse, even if you're doing it to invoke a response. It hurts man, it hurts.

I Can't Believe What I Just Heard

Oh, and a little P.S. to my last post. Is it just me, or is Fox finally getting it when it comes to broadcasting baseball. Ok, let's forget about my-head-is-to-big-to-fit-in-this-pressbox Joe Buck. Or his broadcast partner (who's head might literally be too big to fit in the pressbox) who just talks all the time about pratically nothing. But, I have been very impressed with the much more appropriate World Series music during those special video montages coming back from break. Don't get me wrong... I love the rock-and-roll like the next guy and I think it fits in for the World Series as well. But it's nice to mix in the more traditional stuff sometimes. I keep expecting Roy Hobbs to hit one into the lights.

So, there's a Cheer to go with my previous Jeer.

And yes, I am the best there ever was!

All Night Long

Maybe that's the problem with America these days... not enough Parcheesi being played.

Ok, so it took me a few days to really figure out what's bugging me. I'm not like This Guy. I am pretty much happy with how life is. But everybody has something to bitch about every once in a while, right? So, here goes with me.

It is 10:06 p.m. on the East Coast and Game 2 of the 2007 World Series is only in the bottom of the fifth inning. If it continues to be a pitcher's duel (thank goodness for that, by the way), the game should get over around 11:30. Now, I know I don't have a job. But my little one still gets me up pretty early. I also know that this has been talked about for a long time, but it's finally time to do something about it. Start the damn games earlier! As each year goes by the game of baseball is losing young fans to football and other rediculous sports that you don't have to think when you watch them.

Ok, so that wasn't very eloquent, but that surely has been bugging me lately.

Remember, life is hard, but so am I.

News

Paul Harvey News
Courtesy of ABCNews

Parcheesi?

Who in the hell still plays parcheesi? Oh, and I guarantee it took That Guy at least 5 minutes to punch the right numbers into the calculator to get 9003 hours.

We'll be introducing a new segment sometime before the end of the week. It's really going to be my favorite (not that we have a whole heck of a lot of them) considering it's basically all about bitching. We haven't decided on a name, but I like-- What's bugging you?

If you are asking yourselves, "what could that possibly be about?"
Then, you should probably just answer yourselves by saying, "Oh, it's just This Guy and That Guy bitching about something." Because you'd be correct.

So, to get things started; hey, That Guy, What's Bugging You?

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I'd say it's been a while...

Millions were clamoring for a return and now they are finally rewarded. Not sure this is much of a reward, but at least the hate mail will stop. Wow January 10th was the last post. A lot has happened since then... babies, diapers full of s%^t, and new siding. Oh yeah, and Hillary is YOUR President of the United States... wait, that hasn't happened yet? Oh, well it will soon enough.

Only 375 days or 9003 hours (if you count things that way... why would you count things that way... anyway) until election day and another Clinton in the White House. Get out the Parcheesi, it's going to be a party that night.

Sorry for not being there...

I know, it's been awhile. For that, I am very sorry. I have disappointed the many readers of this fine blo--oh who am I kidding...nobody read the first month of posts anyway, but we're back anyway. Stay tuned-- can you tune to the internet?

News

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Internet TV

This is amazing...absolutely amazing. Why didn't I assume this was going to happen? The interweb and TV combining to become one huge conglomerate. It's happening and soon you will not know the difference. Well, maybe you will.

Anyway, Turner broadcasting has launched a new website today that defies the laws of the television medium as we know them. It's TV on the Internet. For an example see below:




Now, you won't find these shows on any network. But who needs a network. They're funny.

Barry Bonds...enough already

I promise that this blog will consist of things other than sports- I swear it will. Really. But since we're on the topic, there are many athletes that I can't stand. There is probably one in each sport that I can say is the one I hate the most. But unequivocally Barry Bonds is the single athlete that I wish was dead. He's breathing in air (even if it is San Franciscan) that could be used for someone who deserves it.

So he failed an amphetamines test-- meaning he used them, which by the way is illegal in baseball now (well, sort of-- you get a warning and are subject to monthly tests for 6 months-- what happens in the 7th month?). He's a cheater, plain and simple. He's a loser. I would like to offer some advice to each and every pitcher that will face Bonds this year. You don't have to get him out, you don't have to intentionally walk him. Do you really want to make facing Bonds easier? Then there's one solution. Bean him. Fastball. Direct to the melon. I'm not saying just hit him in the leg, or the back, go for the FACE (actually aim for the neck or shoulder he'll be more likely to turn his head into it then).

Now, I don't normally advise people to harm others (there are exceptions). This is one of those exceptions. He's hurting a great game. Why hit him? Because he's old-- he'll eventually get injured and won't be able to recover. If he does recover, he's cheating so then you can suspend him. All Hank Aaron fans will be happy- that record won't be broken. Now, I do admit this will put Bonds's name in the record book (for most HBP). That's ok, he won't be forgotten as it is, so you may as well link him to something that ends his career. Oh wait, he already has. His stats stopped counting when he put on that 25 extra pounds of muscle.

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Commercial Break

Stupid Card Weekend

This Guy (or is it That Guy) has it right. The NFL should stand for Not For Long. Meaning, people may finally be realizing how crazy this league really is and finally stop watching the rediculous league. I am not sure how many people know how out of control the NFL is. These guys control everything. Do you know there's an NFL official who sits up in the booth and monitors the league's uniform policy? Guys get fined for playing with their shirts untucked or if their socks fall down. You know that woman that's in the Cambell's Chunky Soup commercials. Maybe she should play the role of that league official. She could yell at the players when their shoes come untied. And just ask Jim McMahon about that headband. I mean... come on... these guys play a game where you roll around on the ground (sometimes even in mud). Sometimes it makes sense if a sock falls down or your belt is a little loose.

This Guy is right. Maybe you should start celebrating everything you do on the job. Take a stand and be just like your favorite football player. If you like Ray Lewis, be like him. Every morning when you come into work, have your co-workers put on your favorite song really loud and start gyrating around. And when you sit at your desk, start yelling at your co-workers and try to pump them up.

Hey, everybody already has a T.O. on the staff that they can't stand. Do the right thing and bad mouth him in the next employee newsletter. And remember, if your sales numbers are bad enough, you might even get to have your boss fired.

Long live Seacrest. And god bless Paul Harvey!

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Wild Card Weekend!?!?!?

Well, it's come and gone. Yet another week of exciting football. Winners are the Patriots, Colts, Seahawks, and Eagles. My question is not what game will you be watching next week, or who are you rooting for? It is simply...why do you even care? Pro football has lost something, and I don't know how to get it back (do I really want to?)--the fantasy season is over...I've won (for the first time since 2001 mind you) and I no longer care about the NFL. Maybe it's the rediculous thought that should you bad mouth an official you get fined (I also detest the NBA). Maybe it's that you can't celebrate after a touchdown-- NO, THAT'S NOT IT, it's the fact that each and every NFL "star" celebrates EVERYTHING (and it's creeping into college ball). So in a letter to every NFL player I simply ask-- isn't that your job? Don't you get paid a large amount of money to do this? I certainly don't jump up and down and play a fake guitar (see D'hani Jones of the Eagles) when I send an email or hang up the phone after a conversation. Grow up. Earn a little respect for the game. Not that it's that great of a game to begin with.

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courtesy of ABCNews

PSA- what drugs will do to you...

A little too literal...

So, I'm going to be the typical male and complain about tv commercials about feminine products. Why must they advertise? Half the country's population uses them or will (you know who you are, you know you're probably going to use whatever is in the house when you first need them.) But last night while my wife and I were watching TV, (something we do way too much of...but that's a different post) I saw a new one. Yes, a new way to advertise a product. A product that I always knew how it was used. It was a home pregnancy test. Everyone knows you pee on the stick. Nothing new there-- but do you really have to show a stream of liquid hitting the stick?? That's conventional wisdom. That's how they work! I don't need the visual reinforcement! I did learn something-- now you don't have to compare on the box if it's a plus or minus sign or blue or pink or whatever the hell else there was before. Now it simply reads pregnant or not pregnant. Uh oh, what about the people who can't read?

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Commercial Break

Vietnam???

You're not Robin Williams, nor are you Mike Harvey, and that will be the last Seacrest reference ever posted on here--that is unless we decide to delve into the horror that is Idol, so enough references (and links). This is the world of radio (not really) and we have a hard break coming up so stay tuned, we'll be back...

Good Morning Vietnam... or at least people in Blog Land

So, this is the first (well, really third post... but how lame were the first two) post to the new blog (I mean radio show). Hope it doesn't suck. But who are we kidding... it already does.

Let us know what you think. And you can blog in your requests. We're playing the racks and stacks and the best on wax. How about another twin-spin, sound sandwich on This and That in the morning (and all day long).

Blogger out!

Good Morning World

Good morning ThatGuy. Welcome everybody to This and That in the Morning.

Welcome and We hope you enjoy!

We're sure that you have many questions about This and That in the Morning.

1. What is This and That in the Morning? Just refer to the html address above-- it's all there-- radio in words.
2. Why a blog for a radio show? Because you can do so much more with a blog than you can on the radio-- stay tuned to find out what that means.
3. Who are ThisGuy and ThatGuy? We may or may not tell you that--but you'll learn more about us.
4. Radio shows have other people on them, do you? They'll appear from time to time--just wait.

Of course there will be more questions (and probably not a lot of answers) please ask them--leave them in the comments, you never know what we'll answer.

We don't quite have the complete format down, there will be trial and error, but it will be worth it. Stay loyal!